Mississippi, the poorest, least educated, and most backward state in the Union, is the home of the American Family Association, Donald Wildmon’s little right-wing pressure group. The AFA’s biggest weapon is the boycott, and they resort to it constantly. Currently, they are crying for their members to boycott The Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic stores.

Is it because they use Chinese prison labor in manufacturing their clothes? Are they exploiting third-world children? Are they failing to provide a decent living wage to their hard-working employees?

Nope. It’s because they’re not crassly commercializing a Christian feast day. They’re not limiting their holiday greetings to “Merry Christmas.” They’re wishing their customers a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, a festive Solstice, and a cheerful Kwanzaa.

The winter holiday isn’t about family, or gift-giving, or any of those things. Not to the fanatics in Tupelo. It’s about the triumphalism of a single sect in a multicultural and constitutionally secular society.

Now, I suppose I could urge you to boycott the American Family Association, but chances are you already do. Fortunately, The Gap has just the thing with which to celebrate Joseph’s illegitimate son: Merry Christmas Boxer Shorts. Keep in in your pants this Christmas!